Along with over 30,000 other people, I happily retweeted R Paul Wilson’s minor masterpiece:
I care not all that much for Star Wars, but for some reason I respond to references to the Death Star in pop culture.
From the screenplay to Kevin Smith’s Clerks:
The second time around, it wasn’t
even finished yet. They were still
A construction job of that magnitude
would require a helluva lot more
manpower than the Imperial army had
to offer. I’ll bet there were
independent contractors working on
that thing: plumbers, aluminum
Not just Imperials, is what you’re
Exactly. In order to get it built
quickly and quietly they’d hire
anybody who could do the job. Do
you think the average storm trooper
knows how to install a toilet main?
All they know is killing and white
All right, so even if independent
contractors are working on the
Death Star, why are you uneasy with
All those innocent contractors
hired to do a job were killed-
casualties of a war they had
nothing to do with.
(notices Dante’s confusion)
All right, look-you’re a roofer,
and some juicy government contract
comes your way; you got the wife
and kids and the two-story in
suburbia-this is a government
contract, which means all sorts of
benefits. All of a sudden these
left-wing militants blast you with
lasers and wipe out everyone within
a three-mile radius.
You didn’t ask for that. You have
no personal politics. You’re just
trying to scrape out a living.
[The BLUE-COLLAR MAN joins them.]
Excuse me. I don’t mean to
interrupt, but what were you
The ending of Return of the Jedi.
My friend is trying to convince me
that any contractors working on the
uncompleted Death Star were innocent
victims when the space station was
destroyed by the rebels.
Well, I’m a contractor myself. I’m
(digs into pocket and
produces business card)
Dunn and Reddy Home Improvements.
And speaking as a roofer, I can say
that a roofer’s personal politics
come heavily into play when choosing
Three months ago I was offered a
job up in the hills. A beautiful
house with tons of property. It was
a simple reshingling job, but I was
told that if it was finished within
a day, my price would be doubled.
Then I realized whose house it was.
Whose house was it?
“Babyface” Bambino? The gangster?
The same. The money was right, but
the risk was too big. I knew who he
was, and based on that, I passed
the job on to a friend of mine.
Based on personal politics.
Right. And that week, the Foresci
family put a hit on Babyface’s
house. My friend was shot and
killed. He wasn’t even finished
(paying for coffee)
I’m alive because I knew there were
risks involved taking on that
particular client. My friend wasn’t
(pauses to reflect)
You know, any contractor willing to
work on that Death Star knew the
risks. If they were killed, it was
their own fault. A roofer listens
(taps his heart)
not his wallet.
The BLUE-COLLAR MAN exits. DANTE and RANDAL remain
respectfully quiet for a moment.
And from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode “Life Serial” by David Fury and Jane Espenson, when the trio is discussion modifications to their souped-up surveillance van, which has a giant painting of the Death Star on the side:
Sweet. Run me through it.
Ah. We got nine high-resolution surveillance cameras hooked in, super-wide angle, infrared, auto-iris, plus six types of audio matrix monitoring… that’s filtered through a dual quad DVS system, and a…
Jonathan: Yeah, yeah, fine, just tell me. Are you sure with all of this stuff that we’ll be able to watch Buffy without her noticing us?
Absolutely. I mean, she’ll never even know- w-what the hell is that?
Death Star, dude! Wicked, huh?
Thermal exhaust port’s above the main port, numb-nuts.
For your information, I’m using the Empire’s revised designs from Return of the Jedi.
That’s a flawed design!
Guys! Okay, the thing is, since we’re messing with the Slayer, who could pummel the three of us into a sludgy substance, it might be a good idea for us to not draw attention to ourselves!
I could paint over it if you want.
Yeah, well, do that! Because this time tomorrow, the games begin.